Change for the better...I hope!!

After being sick for the past month, I'm finally starting to feel human again.  The last 11 days were especially brutal.  I'm not sure what causes me to have these intense IBS flare ups, but I know I need them to stop.  I've been doing lots of research and I have a ton of questions for the Gastro doctor this week.  I want to be sure nothing else major is going on and it is in fact just IBS.  

The majority of my research has led me down the food path.  I've been aware of the whole GMO and processed food debate going on recently, but I really dove into that while I was sick.

I have decided to try a combination of the Paleo and Low FODMAP diet.  The low FODMAP is my immediate choice.  I read that it's not a long term diet, but one to go to when your guts are waging an intense battle against you.  I certainly have been at battle recently and I was losing big time.  The Paleo is pretty restrictive, but I'm going to do the best I can to integrate it into my diet.  I am a little concerned about the expense right now, but honestly I just missed an entire week of work and I can't afford that expense either.

I cannot wait until Spring actually arrives, not this crazy snow and ice filled time that we are calling spring.  I want to get the garden planted and start knowing exactly where my food is coming from.  The local food market will soon be full of foods that I know where they came from as well and I cannot wait.

Bring on Spring and bring on the healthy.  I lost 12 lbs. while I was sick so hopefully I can keep that downward trend rolling along.  Maybe this will help my fibro as well, I've felt better since I'm on such a limited diet, but I've also been very low key on activity.

Happy Eating!!

Dark Days

It took me forever to come up with a title for this post.  Dark Days just seemed fitting.   I have been sick for almost a week with an IBS flare up.  It's a bad one and it's only been about 5 months since the last one that was this bad.  My GI doctor books 2 months out, so you'd think you could get someone to return your call or talk to you in between, but apparently that's asking too much.  I waited all day Thursday and Friday and no return call.  I left a message with the answering service and I'm calling again in the morning.  I got myself through the weekend just from past experience, but that's not why I have a GI.  The nurse treated me like I was being ridiculous and she was annoyed with me.  How rude.  

I am so tired of toast, Pedialite and applesauce.  The most adventurous thing I've eaten today is eggs, and that was a big step.  Thank goodness for having some meds on hand to try to figure this out myself for now.

I find in my research, that a lot of people with auto immune diseases and chronic conditions have a multitude of them.  This causes a lot of "dark days".  I have accomplished little to nothing all weekend.  I managed to do some laundry, dishes and gag through cooking meals for the family.  No bills, no regular cleaning, nothing.  I can't deal with all of that when I feel like this.  I had to go to the bathroom really bad the other day.  I was on my way to an appointment and I thought to myself, this is what it's like living with chronic illness.  When you have to go to the bathroom it consumes you.  You cannot think or divert from dealing with that issue until you can get to a bathroom.  That is what it's like for me with chronic illness.  When I'm in the thick of a flare up, I can't concentrate on returning calls, paying bills, handling paperwork, or anything outside of what I have to do to get "by" each day.  I was passing by stores I needed to stop at to get milk, pick up mail etc. but I couldn't stop, I had to get to the bathroom.  Later on though when I had to backtrack to go to those places I was so aggravated.  It's like with the flare ups, I always end up with a mess a while later when I finally start to feel a little more human and now the weight of all of that piled up stuff you put off is bearing down on you. I wish I had just taken care of it as I went along day to day, but I just couldn't.

I hate to complain and whine, I know there are people out there who have it SO much worse than I do and I'm thankful for my life and my family and friends.  There are days and times though, where I want to yell uncle and just say boo hoo for me, I'm so tired of having something wrong most of the time.  I feel like people don't believe me and get annoyed with me.  I can't help it. Trust me, I don't want to cancel plans, I want to be there having fun and feeling great more than you even know.  

Each day I wake up hoping the nausea won't be there, the stomach pains won't be there and I start to feel like a human again.  Well that's my rant for today.  Hopefully tomorrow will be great :) gotta stay positive.

All Piled Up

The time change has been really hard on me, on top of just being in a really bad flare.  I have been getting by each day, doing as much as I "have to".  It's catching up to me now. I worked really hard last weekend to get things looking good around the house and you can't tell today.  Laundry, dishes, coupons, grocery shopping, bills, health insurance renewals, dusting, vacuuming and on and on the list goes.

I woke up this morning to a lot of pain and have been wishfully thinking the heating pad is going to sort it all out so I can "get to work".  Since my belly is not happy lately thanks to an IBS flare, I've been trying to avoid Advil or anything to help take the edge off the pain.  There is only so much the heating pad can do. Physical therapy cannot start soon enough.  I went yesterday to try to schedule it and the doctor is going to "call me". Ugh lets get this show on the road.  

My oldest daughter is hurting today too and has been sick, so I can't lean on her to help me.  I think I'll push through the important stuff and call it a movie night to relax my body after the hard work of the day...if only I could get up and make myself get going to begin with.  Happy Saturday!!

Oh my aching body...

This is the first step of the process, drawing out the mosaic.  I've had to work on this in two trips already and it's not even 50% painted.  This is the beginning picture, when I finish I'll add more pictures of the process.  I worked on this for 4 1/2 hours today in these cute but oh so uncomfortable chairs.  I sat on my jacket for a little cushion but next time I might take my own pillow.  My fingers ache so badly tonight and I've already been on the heating pad a ton since we got home.  It will be so worth it when it's finished, but I really notice the difference in my health on days like today.  I used to be able to sit for hours and craft and make jewelry.  Now I pay a price for that.  As for the spoon theory, I am borrowing from tomorrow's spoons right now.  I'll have to dial back tomorrow for sure.  

I'm in the middle of a flare up on top of a flare up.  I was thinking today, if I would just give in and take the meds and stay in bed for 2 days I'd probably feel better faster, but I won't.  I think when you have chronic pain you learn to live with it.  At least for me, I won't give up the time to just focus on getting better from something, I'll just take less meds to get through the day and it will take 2 weeks to get better instead of 2 days.  These weather systems are just killing me, headache on top of headache and now my neck is all jacked up.  I could stay in bed all day doped up on muscle relaxers, but I don't want to miss a day.  So I take them at night and use heat all day during the day, and take Advil and baby it through.  I had a stomach bug 2 weeks ago and for some reason that flares up my IBS and now I'm taking half doses of meds for that to try to get that under control because the meds make me so tired.

I feel awful and I feel miserable, but not many people would know that because it's become so the norm that I just keep on keeping on.  It's bad now though, like I said, a flare on top of a flare, and I'm ready for just the "normal" pain to return and kick this extra heaping spoonful to the curb. On that whiny, complaining note, I'll call it a night and dream of my beautiful finished mosaic tissue box, that will mean the world to me because only I will know the toll it took to complete.