Happy Mother's Day!

This year I wanted to make a new dessert that would be pretty for the holiday.   I found a recipe on Pinterest that was called Stained Glass which I think sounds really cool.   Here's the link if you want to try it out yourself.  I was really happy with how it turned out and it was pretty darn easy as well.  The worst part is waiting for the jello to harden.  The non-stick spray really did make removing the jello squares from the pan a breeze.  Everyone was really excited about how pretty it was.

I've included some pictures of the process as well as the final product.

I hope you had a wonderful day today either spoiling your Mom or being a Mom or someone in your life that is like a Mom to you. 

Gettin' Crafty

I've been so busy lately.  Life has been crazy with appointments, injured kids, and so much more.  BUT in my downtime I've been a crocheting fool. I've been making these towels and also towel holders to sell at local craft shows and on Etsy.  I can't work so I have to try to do a little something to help out.  I really enjoy making these and I hope people enjoy them. 

I found this really great tutorial on how to make them but it's broken into five videos which makes it harder to follow along, so I am being braving and making one of my own.  It's a bit out of my comfort zone but I really want to help others to make them.  I am so thankful to those who took the time to make videos to teach others how to make wonderful crafts, it's so thoughtful and helpful.  Who knows I might enjoy it and end up making a bunch of videos.  I love to cook and do a ton of crafts, it could be fun!!  My daughters make videos all of the time.  Their videos are just funny, silly stuff.  I love to watch them though, it makes me crack up!

Next, I am going to venture into making these cute scrubby patterns I found on Pinterest.  That site is just dangerous, I can stay on it for hours, HA HA!  BUT, I've found so many amazing recipes and crafts, it's worth it!

Today is a huge tornado threat, weather outbreak and I worked really hard this morning, so today I'm planning on parking it and crocheting.  I hope no one is injured from the storms, I am fascinated by them and would love to watch live coverage of them in an open safe area where no one gets hurt.

Art Trip!

My daughter's Art Classes for college had a field trip to the Philadelphia Museum of Art.  It was a gorgeous day, you couldn't ask for better weather.  We saw amazing art and had a wonderful time.   I was so impressed by the amount of famous painters art that they had on display.  There were so many Picasso, Monet, Van Gogh, and so many more.  It was a real treat.

We did, however, have a few bumps in the road.  Shortly after arriving we started to browse the first gallery.  A guard told me I had to take my bag to the coat closet and leave it.  I was pretty upset because according to the web site I could take a back pack.  All bags are "checked" at the door by security and that was my understanding from the web site.  I didn't realize I would have been better off to have brought my actual purse or I would have done so.  I shoved my most important items in my daughter's purse, which is a small backpack.  With my medical conditions and allergies I have a lot of "crap" I have to carry with me.  Her bag was approved by two people but another guard after that gave us a big fit and sure enough we had to go give up her purse.  We had to carry our items in little tiny plastic red bags and leave everything else behind.  I was pretty livid at this point. As we walked around and saw countless women with HUGE pocketbooks with traditional 2 straps allowed to walk around the angrier we got.

It took a while to brush this off, but finally we did.  We tried to cover as much of that museum as we could but it's large and there is so much to look at.  Honestly, to see it all you cannot linger long on any item or read all of the information about the paintings.  We got to see so much amazing art and I would love to go again and explore further.  We also took a trip over to The Pereleman Building to look at some sculpture art.  That was awesome as well.

At lunch, we sat next to a delightful french speaking couple.  It made my day.  They chatted all during their lunch and seemed so sweet.  After that we browsed the gift shop, they had some wonderful deals on, luckily.

Overall, it was a wonderful day and above are some of my favorites.

I DID IT!!

I finally finished my first afghan.  It fits one end to the other on a full size bed.  My daughter is all curled up in it right now and that gives me such a warm feeling inside.  It was a labor of love for sure.  I cannot wait to start the next one.  Honestly, I really enjoy keeping my hands busy when I'm watching tv at night.  To be productive while "resting" day after day during this flare is a great feeling.  I would like to try a new stitch for the next one.  Ok, brag over, just had to share my excitement. I was so giddy completing it and I had to share.

Feelin' Blue

Venting day today!  Most days, I muttle by with my limited diet, accepting that it "is what it is".  This is what I need to do in order to keep my colon under control and I'm ok with that.  I am at home and I have my arsenal of foods at hand that I like and can eat.  However, a family gathering tests those resolves and my strength.  I am extremely strong and would never cheat.  Who are you cheating anyway?  Yourself.  I am not willing to suffer the consequences of eating and drinking foods that I know will hurt my body, as much as I WANT THEM!!

Of course, everything had to look extremely amazing.  The wine smelled divine, and I even had a glass brought to me and offered to me...oh pure torture.  Next was sitting around the table with everyone and being the middle man passing around food after food that I could not eat.  Sometimes I had a dish in each hand, double the pain.  Everyone's plates looked so amazing, full of such a wide variety of foods.  There I was with my plain mashed potatoes and chicken and 2 deviled eggs.  I forgot to bring white bread, so no bread for me either.

I finished my food way before everyone else, but I thought to myself, well I do feel full so it's ok.  Then each minute dragged on and on.  Me sitting there finished with my food and everyone eating more and more and more.  Seconds were dished out.  The smells wafed around the table.  It became harder and harder.  I noticed the glances at my plate.  I was trapped in between two people so I couldn't get up, it would have been rude, but I wanted to flee.  I wanted to sit on my own and forget about all of the delicious foods I wanted to eat oh so badly.

Most days I think of food as nourishment for my body, to keep me going and keep me strong.  When I couldn't eat because my flare was so bad, I became acutely aware of how critical food is for strength.  I however, am reminded of how in these situations, food is so completely social.  It's hard not to feel like the outsider in these situations.  Until you cannot have these things, you cannot realize how alienating it feels.  This isn't a "diet" this is STRICT.  This is that food will HURT you.  This isn't a "well just one bite or just one sip" and I'll feel included but it won't hurt me, situation.  This is you KNOW you cannot do it or have it.  Suck it up and move on right?  Well, that's what I did, but it doesn't mean it's easy.  It doesn't mean you don't have a knot in your stomach and want to cry because why has this been doled upon you.  This is followed by, "oh gosh, stop it, there are those who have it SO much worse than you, quit whining."

What an array of emotions for one simple holiday.  So dinner is over and you think it's behind you right?  Nope then it's time to be surrounded by the Easter baskets and candy eating kiddos.  Oh what I wouldn't have given for a Reese's cup. 

Color Me Happy...

Today was exhausting, but at the end of the day, it was fun!  I feel good about what I've gotten ready for Easter, and what I accomplished today.  This isn't my first holiday being sick, but it's the first one that I was this bad and had to really cut back on my efforts to fit with my abilities.

I love the way the deviled eggs turned out and I cannot wait for the family to see them tomorrow.  The kids and I tried lots of different things with the eggs we dyed this year and it made a fun variety.  We used hot glue on some of the eggs before dipping them and they turned out really cool, except for the ones that tore the shell off of the egg...HA HA!  We used a new kit that had mini rollers in them, they were fun.  I rolled a "rainbow" on a paper towel and made these really pretty pastel patterned eggs.

All that is left to do in the morning is to bake the beer bread. I cannot eat it but everyone loves it. It's my specialty apparently lol.  The heating pad is my best friend right now.   The steroids have been keeping most of the joint and muscle pain at bay, but today I overdid it and they can't hang.  As much as I can't wait to be off of these "devils tic tacs" as people call them.  I will miss the relief they give me from the constant joint pain.

Tomorrow will be a long day, but I am looking forward to spending time with family and relaxing.  I finished a book today during my "forced breaks".  I am eager to do some crocheting tomorrow in the down time.  I am NOT looking forward to doing dishes, however.  That is the one thing I hate about the gatherings.  I do enough dishes on a daily basis in my household, I'm not sure why I am the designated dish washer lol.  I hope you all have a wonderful holiday.

Spring has sprung!

 Spring is finally showing up!  Winter has persisted this year, snow, sleet, wind, cold, but Spring is fighting it's way through.  I love seeing the first flowers pop through the ground.  It's so exciting.  Granted, I'll be hating the hot, humid weather in a little while and mumbling and grumbling about it, but that seems to be our nature.  I like different things about each season, but I love Spring and Fall the most.  They are the most agreeable temps for me, no major extremes.  While I don't welcome the inevitable migraines that come along with thunderstorm season, I love to sit and watch a good storm light up the sky.

It's raining today, I took this picture yesterday.  Just in time I suppose.  Crocus's don't tend to last very long so you have to enjoy them quickly.  Next will be daffodils and tulips.  I can't wait!!!  I can't believe Easter is this weekend already.  I love when Easter hits when all of the trees and flowers are in blood. This year everything is dead and grey and yucky, except for these pretty little Crocus's peeking through.  Before long I'll be out mowing the lawn. 

Today is egg day.  I have a ton of eggs to boil.  We are dying eggs tonight or tomorrow and we are making deviled eggs for the family Easter dinner.  Our house is going to smell LOVELY ha ha!

I am thrilled to be making something I can actually eat this time around.  As long as there's no celery seed or anything fancy in the deviled eggs I am good to go.  That's why I offered to make them.  The beer bread I am bringing will be torture to make and smell though, since I can't have it.  Soon, remission will be mine and I'll be eating these things again.

I got the itch, I got it!

A new study found that a mothers diet affects her baby's allergies. Which can only mean one thing: My mom ate cats. - Jimmy Fallon

Yesterday was allergy testing day.  When they tell you to plan for a 2 to 3 hour stay THEY MEAN IT!  It ended up being more like 4 by the time all was said and done.  I spent a lot of the time fighting the itch and holding my arms out so the test wouldn't be skewed.

It's amazing how quickly they scratch your skin all up with the "palettes" or whatever you call them.  I was like, this is a breeze, I can so handle this.  The technician said "you're tough."  I patted myself on the back and thought, yeah I'm tough. 

Time for round two.  TWO big trays of needles.  I'm tough right?  Yeah, that's it, I'm tough.  I have been poked and prodded so many times, I can so do this.  OUCH!  I'll be the first to admit those needles really smart.  I'm still considering myself tough.  I only winced a few times, I played the tough role very well lol.  It hurt though, my arms were bleeding.  Not a pretty site, but, hey I'm TOUGH!

It turns out I am allergic to my fur babies.  Not my Mia dog luckily, but the cats.  They get to stay (whew, like that was ever an option anyway) but I have to make some changes.  Also, molds, HIGH allergies to molds.  I already suspected this pretty much.  Also, dust mites, isn't everyone?  Lastly COCKROACHES...eww I am totally ok with being allergic to them.  I really hope to never have a run in with one of them and if so, hey I'm allergic, go away. 

I love the gazillion things they recommend you do to alleviate your allergens.  It's A LOT and it's a big pile of money.  As if while I am in an Ulcerative Colitis flare, unable to work, spending all of my money on co-pays and prescriptions, I can tear up all of the carpet in the house and put down hardwood or tile.  UGH!!!

At least I found out that I am most likely NOT allergic to my UC meds and definitely not allergic to the foods I've been eating.  That's a relief.  My arms are still sore today, so I had to go get blood work done.  More needles?  Sure, I'm TOUGH!

Empty...

Empty, empty, empty!  Every store, every shelf.  Either they didn't carry my probiotic or it was all gone.  It's hard enough to just go to a store.  It's exhausting.  If you are familiar with the spoon theory, you'll understand that it takes at least half of my days spoons just to go to the doctor and the store.  That's a BIG day for me right now. 

I had to go to SIX stores before I found my probiotic, but I had to have it.  I almost cried when I finally found it.  I had 3 more stores I could go to and it was at the first of the three.  I was SO incredibly relieved.  I could have laid down on the floor right there in the aisle.  I was so relieved that I could finally go home and warm up and get my pajamas on.  The cold had started to sink in.   Whenever I go out and do too much I get this cold that sets in.  It gets in your bones.  It's very hard to warm up from.  I don't know what causes it, but I hate the feeling.  I am usually hot.  I want the door open when it's 30 degrees outside.  Sometimes I do get chilly and put a blanket on, but my comfort temperature is always all over the place.  The only time I get this "bone chilling cold" is when I have to go out and run errands though.

After the days events I am contemplating changing probiotics to one found more widely or just squirreling them away so I don't have to go through this over and over.   Every month I have a hard time finding them.  They work for me though and in the middle of an allergic reaction issue, I wasn't about to try a new one right now.

It's amazing how much can change in a short time.  I used to work myself to death cleaning and gardening and cooking before succumbing to exhaustion.  Now a trip to the store and doctor does me in.  Chronic illness sucks...

I know there are others out there that have it so much worse and I sympathize completely.  I wish we lived in a world without illness.  If we could live our lives without pain and illness and just focus on being the best people we can, making the most of every day, wouldn't that be grand?

Laundry Day

Well last week the washer decided to die.  It was 22 years old.  For an appliance that is a good long life.  I'm not complaining.  However, I wish it hadn't left with a full tub of stinky, dirty water.  Do you know how hard it is to hand wring a load of towels, sweatshirts and pants?  It's not an easy task.  As my daughter and I wrung them out one at a time, I reminded her that "back in the day" they had to do all laundry by hand.  We are very lucky to have a machine to do it most days.  We were just as lucky to have a boat pump to get the water out of there...PEE EWWW!

So, with a working dryer at least, I have to run to the laundromat to wash the clothes and lug them back home to dry.  I decided I would go by myself and read while they washed.  There are two laundromats to choose from in town and I chose the one with no cars in the parking lot.  Well as soon as I pulled in, someone else did as well...of course!  This is how it always works, right? I just want to sit quietly alone and read my book and do my laundry.  NOPE this was not to be. They were nice people, but very loud, yelling at the kids.  It's hard enough on steroids to focus on reading but with all of that going on...forget about it.  I did get a few pages in at least. 

As I looked around I noticed a sign on the wall that said you absolutely cannot wash horse blankets.  I wonder how many horse blanket issues they must have here to warrant a sign addressing just this?  I found that funny.

One thing I didn't bargain for was how incredibly HEAVY the clothes were going to be to get back home.  I am so weak and fatigued from this current Ulcerative Colitis flare up, on top of being on Benadryl for an allergic reaction I was just exhausted by the time I got back home.  That is the last trip I make by myself with the laundry.

Luckily, we are getting my Dad's old washer on Friday, so I won't have to venture out again.  It really makes you appreciate so much having a washer at your house. 

STUDY day today!

FINAL EXAMS!!!

Time to break out the books today!  I have completed all of my lessons and it's time to study for the big FINAL exam!  I have been pushing it back and pushing it back, but time is running out.  The steroids make my brain wander in a gazillion directions, but it must be done. 

Yesterday I procrastinated taking the Final to the point that I spent the ENTIRE day organizing and filing papers.  See most people don't realize procrastinators are NOT lazy.  They don't sit around and do nothing, they do anything to avoid the thing they SHOULD be doing.  It took me a lot of years and a SUPER procrastinating daughter to see this and realize it.  She will do a gazillion productive things to avoid that one oil painting she should be doing for art class.   I feel great about what I accomplished yesterday luckily.  The fact is though, that final is still lingering there, waiting to be taken care of.  It's time to get it done.

I had another allergic reaction last night.  I grabbed the Zantac and Benadryl right away.  I had one 2 weeks ago and the doctors assumed it was the Lialda.  After a lot of blood tests and insurance company intervention, now I am supposed to go on Imuran, Humira got denied.  I don't want to take these stronger drugs if the Lialda isn't to blame.  I want my doctor to send me for allergy testing.  I'll call tomorrow and see what I can do.  I don't seem to be reacting yet today so maybe I'm just becoming allergic to everything.  That's a scary thought.  I don't have a good track record with these things.  My body doesn't like many medications.  They are running out of good antibiotics to give me as it is.  Now, I've ruled out a slew of Ulcerative Colitis medications.  It's not just annoying, it's scary.

Well look at that, here I am blogging and talking about allergic reactions, and yet still procrastinating studying for this final exam.  See how easy that is? Still being "productive" technically, but avoiding the task that needs completed...

Terrifying Find...

The car had been shaking and acting funny lately.  I am sooo glad that I took the car to be inspected.  All four tires need replaced, but this one is the worst of the bunch.  An over-achiever in the terrifyingly awful department.  I was actually considering driving it to get the tires put on tomorrow, but after seeing it, thought maybe we had better put the spare tire on instead.  

The metal chords are hanging out of it, and I've never seen such a misshapen terrible condition tire before...EVER!  I hate to spend the money that we don't have right now, but holy cow I will feel so much safer driving the car now.  It's so scary to think what could have happened to us driving around like this.  

Everything feels so overwhelming right now.  On top of being in the hospital, diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, not being able to work, having an allergic reaction to my medication..and the list goes on, the washer decided to die and then this happened with the tires.  

Stress isn't good for my condition but how do you avoid it when all of these things happen one on top of the other.  The only way I've found is to take it one day at a time and deal with one problem at a time.   I've found lately that sometimes I may not get to every problem in a day's time but tomorrow is another day.  I can only handle so much in one day.

Spoiled...

So I was having a rotten day.  I woke up to terrible back spasms because I'm not used to using a cane or sleeping for ELEVEN HOURS (wow) and my foot hurt so badly.  I couldn't even walk in the boot without the cane.  I was frustrated and hurting.  My kiddos had to drive me to an appointment and when they picked me up, these were in my seat.  A brand new fluffy and soft body pillow, a refillable ice pack, some candy and they also went and got all of the groceries we needed.  I was so surprised and so happy I cried before I could even sit in the seat.  They were so thoughtful and it completely turned my day around.

It's amazing how far a little thoughtfulness can go.  A VERY long way.  I still fussed at my oldest for spending her money on me, but it was so incredibly sweet and thoughtful.  I am feeling so blessed, loved, appreciative and spoiled.  

So this happened...

Ugh...someday I will learn.  I'm not sure when, but someday I'll learn that this is what happens when I continue to push myself and push myself.  I know my body will eventually give out and I will be down and out, but the need to pay the bills and get everything done is so strong.  I am so mad at myself right now.  I hurt my Achilles tendon from working too hard.  The doctor told me to quit one of my jobs and wear this boot and rest for THREE weeks.  I laughed at him and said, who's going to pay my bills?  I can't do either of those things.  I am in enough pain that I will probably have to take off this week, but after that it has to be back to work.  I am going to really TRY to remember to listen to my body more in the future though.  Most people couldn't keep up with me, much less someone with my health conditions.  I don't want to be defined by fibro or Hashimotos or IBS.  I want to win them, rule them and show them who's boss.  In the end, they win though.  They take over and show me that's all an illusion and they do rule me.  

Stormy Weather

We have been in this pattern of one storm after another.  A few of them have been severe as well.  The rain is super fantastic for the garden and the grass.  Although, isn't this the time of year you don't have to mow so much usually ha ha!  I know a lot of folks think, oh the farmers must love all of this rain, but nope not really.  It's great for the growing crops unless it washes them out, but then there are crops that are rotting because they can't get them harvested and that can be crushing financially.

I am ready for some cooler weather for sure.  This humidity is brutal, it makes my health issues so much worse.  Wasn't I just complaining about the cold and all of the snow to shovel?  It feels like yesterday.  Oh well, I am thoroughly enjoying eating all of the summer veggies and fruits and my garden is bursting with tons of goodies to eat so that is a huge plus!!

Overdoing it!

INSERT IMAGE HERE

I am too tired tonight to make a picture so enjoy my pretty colors lol.  It was a long hard weekend and I felt every bit of it today when I had to get up early and trudge off to aqua therapy.  I normally look forward to it because the weightlessness is a wonderful feeling on my muscles and joints.  Today I just wanted to keep sleeping and avoid the inevitable pain of getting up and moving around.  Most days I get out of bed quickly because it hurts to lay there, but today it felt wonderful.  So of course, today I had to get up.

The therapist asked for my pain level.  I SO loathe this question. It's always just some guess and made up number.  I reserve 10 for childbirth and beyond.  I've been through a lot of pain in my life and my 4 might be your 7 so I never know what to say.  Anyhoo she wanted to know what I did this weekend that had me hurting so badly today.  I watched her face as I told her and then let it sink in all that I had done and she didn't even have to scold me.  I KNEW I had overdone it, I know that this is one reason I cannot stop being in pain, because I rarely get to STOP.  It's day after day of on my feet and on the go, but working at the produce stand brings about a special kind of pain.  I will pay for this for at least a week.  I couldn't fight the fatigue today and had to take a nap.  There are a million things to be done since I wasn't here all weekend to do it.  I can't stand looking at the mess but I hurt too bad and am just too tired to do it. 

I found a sort of second wind and knocked a few things out but this roller coaster I've been on lately has left me hopelessly behind.  The kids are helping out but it's not enough.  I seriously need a clone.  Money can't buy you happiness but it could buy me a housecleaning service that would let me get a little rest and a little less backbreaking work for sure.  Sorry to be whiny today, I allow myself a day like that once or twice a month so today is my day...

Corn Time...

While many are sitting around their backyard bbq, I will be sweaty and covered in itchy corn husk junk.  Thanks to the unusually late cold weather this spring, crops went in late and so corn is late coming in.  4th of July is the magic day for the produce stand I work at.  It will be an insanely busy day.   I am not looking forward to the back breaking work of unloading several hundred dozen ears of corn from the back of the pick-up truck.  Ahhh the bending pain!!!  Then it will be non stop bagging and boxing as people flood in.  There will barely be a moment to sit down.  Thank goodness all I have to do later is sit and watch the fireworks, after a nice long shower of course.  I will be spending the holiday as usual with one of my very best friends (26 years now) and his family.  I have a special surprise for him and can't wait.

I work all weekend so I won't have time to recover, it will be right back at it on Saturday and Sunday as well.  Monday, well don't even consider waking me up.  I will certainly be sleeping in!!!!   The true bonus this year, however, will be that I can EAT the delicious corn I'll be selling.  After my wonderful colonoscopy, my GI doctor proclaims I can eat whatever I want.  I think it will be scary after almost 4 years to eat corn, but it will be so so buttery delicious I bet.

Time...Keeps on Ticking...

Wow where has the time gone?  I can't believe how long it's been since I posted.  A lot has gone on since then.  My oldest daughter graduated high school.  If I even had an inkling of what that entailed I would have prepared for it a year in advance.  This picture was taken at 3:43 a.m. the night before her graduation party. 
Believe it or not I didn't even begin to get everything done or have it as "perfect" as I wanted it to be.  With my health problems, I should never be up at this time of the morning lol much less on my feet for almost 20 hours straight.  I have been doing it far too much lately though.  I am still paying for this 2 weeks later.

This has been the trend though for the past few months.  Who knew how much work it was Senior Year and how much money as well...phew that's another story.  I told my daughter as she left at 4 am for the beach a week earlier, that I think they have it all wrong.  The kids shouldn't get to go to the beach and party, the parents should.  That's what the SENIOR part means lol.  We spend all of the money, do all of the prep work and are emotionally and physically drained.  What I wouldn't have given to lay my butt on some soft white sand and do nothing for a week ha ha!

A big ha ha to those that think once graduation is over, it's all over right?  Nope, then there are the plethora of graduation parties, every weekend, multiple days.  I am fortunate enough to be friendly with my daughters friend and families and was invited to many of the parties myself.  This made for some really great times and memories, but late nights as well.  So the barrage on my lack of sleep and health continues.  Don't take that as complaining though, it's just reality.  I wouldn't trade these times or memories for anything in the world.  I just wish it wasn't so darn hard on me.

I was talking to a girl who graduated college at one of the parties and she was saying she couldn't believe how fast the time was flying by now.  I said it only gets worse too.  You spend so much of your life wishing the time away to get to this next step and the next part of your life, then once you get there, you look back and you wish and wish that you could slow it all down, that you could go back and take it all in.  That you could savor it a bit more and remember it in a little more detail.  Now I wish for more time, I wish for more hours.  I wish that I could go back in time and talk to myself when I was younger.  I surely wouldn't have listened to any adult who told me this truth that I know now.  Let's face it when you are young you poo poo away all of this grand advice that the older folks have for you.  My daughter is one "old soul" though and she takes it all in, God bless her.  That's one thing I love about her, of a long list of many things.  She actually believes these things I tell her and she listens.  Now cleaning her room and taking college entrance exams in a timely fashion are another story...

ha ha

Change for the better...I hope!!

After being sick for the past month, I'm finally starting to feel human again.  The last 11 days were especially brutal.  I'm not sure what causes me to have these intense IBS flare ups, but I know I need them to stop.  I've been doing lots of research and I have a ton of questions for the Gastro doctor this week.  I want to be sure nothing else major is going on and it is in fact just IBS.  

The majority of my research has led me down the food path.  I've been aware of the whole GMO and processed food debate going on recently, but I really dove into that while I was sick.

I have decided to try a combination of the Paleo and Low FODMAP diet.  The low FODMAP is my immediate choice.  I read that it's not a long term diet, but one to go to when your guts are waging an intense battle against you.  I certainly have been at battle recently and I was losing big time.  The Paleo is pretty restrictive, but I'm going to do the best I can to integrate it into my diet.  I am a little concerned about the expense right now, but honestly I just missed an entire week of work and I can't afford that expense either.

I cannot wait until Spring actually arrives, not this crazy snow and ice filled time that we are calling spring.  I want to get the garden planted and start knowing exactly where my food is coming from.  The local food market will soon be full of foods that I know where they came from as well and I cannot wait.

Bring on Spring and bring on the healthy.  I lost 12 lbs. while I was sick so hopefully I can keep that downward trend rolling along.  Maybe this will help my fibro as well, I've felt better since I'm on such a limited diet, but I've also been very low key on activity.

Happy Eating!!

Dark Days

It took me forever to come up with a title for this post.  Dark Days just seemed fitting.   I have been sick for almost a week with an IBS flare up.  It's a bad one and it's only been about 5 months since the last one that was this bad.  My GI doctor books 2 months out, so you'd think you could get someone to return your call or talk to you in between, but apparently that's asking too much.  I waited all day Thursday and Friday and no return call.  I left a message with the answering service and I'm calling again in the morning.  I got myself through the weekend just from past experience, but that's not why I have a GI.  The nurse treated me like I was being ridiculous and she was annoyed with me.  How rude.  

I am so tired of toast, Pedialite and applesauce.  The most adventurous thing I've eaten today is eggs, and that was a big step.  Thank goodness for having some meds on hand to try to figure this out myself for now.

I find in my research, that a lot of people with auto immune diseases and chronic conditions have a multitude of them.  This causes a lot of "dark days".  I have accomplished little to nothing all weekend.  I managed to do some laundry, dishes and gag through cooking meals for the family.  No bills, no regular cleaning, nothing.  I can't deal with all of that when I feel like this.  I had to go to the bathroom really bad the other day.  I was on my way to an appointment and I thought to myself, this is what it's like living with chronic illness.  When you have to go to the bathroom it consumes you.  You cannot think or divert from dealing with that issue until you can get to a bathroom.  That is what it's like for me with chronic illness.  When I'm in the thick of a flare up, I can't concentrate on returning calls, paying bills, handling paperwork, or anything outside of what I have to do to get "by" each day.  I was passing by stores I needed to stop at to get milk, pick up mail etc. but I couldn't stop, I had to get to the bathroom.  Later on though when I had to backtrack to go to those places I was so aggravated.  It's like with the flare ups, I always end up with a mess a while later when I finally start to feel a little more human and now the weight of all of that piled up stuff you put off is bearing down on you. I wish I had just taken care of it as I went along day to day, but I just couldn't.

I hate to complain and whine, I know there are people out there who have it SO much worse than I do and I'm thankful for my life and my family and friends.  There are days and times though, where I want to yell uncle and just say boo hoo for me, I'm so tired of having something wrong most of the time.  I feel like people don't believe me and get annoyed with me.  I can't help it. Trust me, I don't want to cancel plans, I want to be there having fun and feeling great more than you even know.  

Each day I wake up hoping the nausea won't be there, the stomach pains won't be there and I start to feel like a human again.  Well that's my rant for today.  Hopefully tomorrow will be great :) gotta stay positive.